A Father Of Surprise

I was feeling light and good, and was about to visit my father. Right after he opened the door, before I could go in, he looked fiercely at me and yelled that I didn’t answer a phone call. Stunned, I pulled the same kind of face and said I was not pleased with being rebuked before even entering the flat.

Since I have been scanning my thoughts for my deep motivations, releasing leftover unforgiving thoughts and expressing my genuine feelings with love, my relationship with my father has improved hugely. We could even chat about instinctive feelings and visions. A conflict like this had not appeared for quite some time!

Entering the flat with frustration, I was aware of and accepting my anger, but at the same time I urged myself to move from hurt to grace. Searching for things to start a new topic, I praised the new phone in his home.

Surprised, my father said: let’s talk about what just happened. This time with a smile on his face, he explained what was in his mind when I was standing at the door.

He is a man who is now over 80 and who was so used to yelling and scolding when his children were young; he hadn’t known how to express his real feelings. Now he learns and grows with age. He initiated solving our conflict immediately.

My instinctive response was to be surprised; I held his wrist and put his palm on my head, implying I needed his touch, and said, I liked to be loved and not criticized. Sensing my request, he held me in his arms and I kissed him on the cheek.

I was deeply impressed by his success in stepping past his old patterns. Being clear about his feelings and using physical touch to express love were never part of his education in an old, traditional Chinese society.

I, too, am growing and learning – about him and about me.