Broken Sculptures! Fragile Maid!

I received a phone call from my housework helper. She said she had just broken the ceramic sculpture in my place. It is not superbly expensive but I love it. I told her calmly that I really like that piece. She said sorry…

In less than 15 mins she phoned again, this time she was shivering with tears, saying she had broken a wooden sculpture in my place and that she would not take the payment for that month. The main message I tried to convey this time was, I did love those artworks but I was not blaming her because I believed she did not mean to do it.

She has come to my flat twice each month for a few years now. But it is only once in a while that I bump into her when she is cleaning. I had noticed recently that her movements and gestures when doing the cleaning were forceful and rushed. From her body language, I could tell that she was unsettled inside.

During the two weeks before she called to set the time for the next cleaning, I felt her fear, guilt and worries over cleaning my flat again. I also felt my fear of further breakages or, worse, losing a trustworthy helper. And a picture came up many times in my mind. It wasn’t seeing her breaking stuff again but how she worked with rough and coarse body movements.

This picture told me strongly I need to change the situation to improve things for both of us. Accidents always happen when we distract ourselves with anger and self-criticisms because of our problems in life (see pages 77 to 79 of my book). And I knew I must practice Expressing Myself With Love, (please refer to p. 85 of my book or leave me your email here) Once I had set up this condition, the following conversation came naturally when she phoned.

“I would like to see you [my helper] cleaning my home in a peaceful and enjoyable way.” I told her I was concerned about my home but also about her. I asked her to stop cleaning the windows every time. And that every time when she comes she would slow down first, even enjoy a cup of tea to start with. Instead of rushing to finish a lot of tasks, I asked her to take her time to be really connected to what she is doing. To go from pulling the vacuum cleaner out from the cabinet to moving it out in a graceful way; to not cleaning a surface with fast and strong strokes but to wipe it with care…

“I know I’m asking you to change as you haven’t ever felt able to work in this style before. It’s not the amount of work put in, it’s the amount of gentle care.”

She was released and surprised that there was no judgment. She was willing to try this brand new idea.

She came again, not breaking anything except her old pattern of rushing and pushing herself.